Tough Week

Dear Lord,
Farah, Ed, Billy, David, and Michael!

Why oh why?,
Michael

I'm In Love With You, Hot Dog

Dear Food Critics, Junk Food Fans, Trend Setters, and Everyone else in between,

Pictured above is the TWO, yes TWO ways a hot dog is to be made. As you can see above, you have your traditional New York and Chicago Dogs respectively. The reason I feel the need to explain this to the world, is because there's an alarming long lasting trend throughout New York, and extending outside, of taking perfectly created junk food, and making it 'FANCY'.

I have two major reservations about this: 1) It enables and embraces the wealthy, established, over-stylized scene, by tempting them to participate in an ironic guilty pleasure 2) Don't mess with food perfection.

In the current issue of New York magazine there's a brief article entitled 'Haute Dog" (BARF!) showing 5 super special brand new hot dogs you can find in this city.

You have a Banh Mi (classic Vietnamese Sandwich) style hot dog with cilantro, carrots, and jalapenos (no idea why). You have one with fresh basil, olive, and tomato, AND THEN you have the cheapest but most disgusting "Keema Chili Dog' with ground duck keema, kimchee, and what looks like potatoes.

SIMPLY PUT : THIS. IS. NOT. COOL.

To top it off, prices range from $5 to $13 for a HOT DOG, 13 DOLLARS FOR A HOT DOG!!! A HOT DOG!!!!!!! 13 DOLLARS!!! YES, YOU READ CORRECTLY. FOR A "CLEVERLY EMBELLISHED HOT DOG!"

Stop it,
Michael

Not a Cloud in the Sky, Except for that One Huge One

Dear Weather,

Way to go!!! You are so awesome right now. It's June 21st, and not a single ray of sun this month. You make the economy seem like a free double cheesburger and a handful of Xanax.

Love, current hermit,
Michael

The day everything changed

Dear Goals, Hope, Faith, and Aspirations,

I'm about to take over the world, and no one is gonna stop me.

Yours Truly,
Michael

If I Wasn't So Poor, I'd Probably Be Homeless

Dear Grace,

Work is terrible today, I'm gonna go drink a liter of tequila, have a rad time (hiking the mountains of sunny California adorned with the finest flannel that Essex, Maryland can provide, instead of witnessing the tears and tension that comes with 7 lay offs at kidrobot).

Love,
Michael

5 bucks or less

Dear Loneliness,

Oh yeah? Well I slept with a ham and swiss FRIDAY, and a nutty bar SATURDAY!

What did you do?,
Michael

And Every Bodies Wonderin' : Whatsa-Mattah Wit' Jew?

Dear Ancestry,

Whats goin on?? I walked outside into the muggy wasteland and I look like a midtown poodle here. I guess thats a built in defense to hide my horns.

Being a jew is alright,
Michael